We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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