I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i now understand why vodka
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
