When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
