If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
