mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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