I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
