How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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