I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
