We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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