How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
