I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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