There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
