why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
