in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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