After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
