I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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