i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
