the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize