you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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