so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
