Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize