he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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