Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
