She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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