And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
