he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
