I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
