My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
