Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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