i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize