i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
