He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
