I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
