Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
