sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
