I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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