he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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