I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
