I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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