I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
