then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
