my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
