Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
