Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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