im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
