OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
