I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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