He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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