This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
