hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
