Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
