It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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