I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
