You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize