Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
