Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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