What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
