After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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