I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she looked like the before picture.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
