i jhust puked up my retainher.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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