R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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