you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I deserve to be covered in dicks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
