Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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