I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
