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Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
