i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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