Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
