told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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