its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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