hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
