She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
