No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
