Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
