I just pynch a tree in the face
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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