Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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